here we go. again.

{July 2013}

I seriously cannot believe I am writing this post. I probably won't post this for several weeks, but wanted to write this while my emotions were "fresh." I'm having a BABY! Yep...no joke. The Rollins Ruckus will be expanding the end of March 2014. And I CANNOT BELIVE IT! 

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I had been going to the bathroom A LOT, which is really weird for me because usually I only urinate a few times a day. I had a feeling like I was getting a urinary tract infection and was having this vibrating/buzzing feeling in my groin for the past week. Weird, I know, but I could not figure out why the vibrating would occur every day for several minutes at a time. I went to the chiropractor to get adjusted (thinking it was a muscle spasm related to something in my low back), but the vibrating continued for a couple more days. After researching on the internet, I learned that tons of women get these vibrations throughout their bodies, but no one seems to know what really causes them. Most say they are deep muscle spasms, and some suggested that this may be associated with early pregnancy. I quickly dismissed that idea, because there was no way that I could be pregnant, right? Wrong. 

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I was working at the clinic on Thursday and decided to check my urine because I was having so much urinary frequency. I had a few white blood cells in my urine and a possible small infection, but decided to send it out for culture before starting on antibiotics because I wasn't having any other symptoms. The next day, Friday, July 19, I was working at the clinic again and decided to check a pregnancy test. I was going to drink some wine at the lake with a friend this weekend and just wanted to be sure since I wasn't on any birth control. But I just couldn't be pregnant. I mean, we're really careful and I know my body. I'm nurse practitioner. I've taken a women's health class. I mean...I know when I ovulate. Or do I?!

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After finishing up with patients, I started walking down the hallway into the lab, when one of my nurses catches me in the hall, holding the lab slip and looking like a deer in headlights. "Kelli Ann. You're pregnant." "Ha ha. That's SO funny." I said. "No," she replied. "You're really pregnant. I'm serious." I got the most confused look on my face. "But I haven't even missed my period yet. It's not supposed to start for a couple more days. And we're REALLY careful. Go check it again. Are you sure it's MY urine?!" "Um, it was the urine that you wrote your name on, but I'll go run the test again," she says. I stand there. Still. Very still. And she coms back holding TWO lab slips. BOTH POSITIVE. Our other lab tech, Rita, walks up to me and says, "Kelli Ann, it's positive." And I lose it. I burst into tears. The blood rushes from my face and I feel like I'm going to throw up and faint. They sit me down and I say, "Are you REALLY sure? Rita, check my blood." I stick out my arm and they draw my blood... and guess what? The serum HCG test...POSITIVE. 

.....

My mom was waiting in the car outside of the clinic to take me to lunch. I could not face her. Not yet. She is going to disown me. She didn't want me to have anymore children. Her and my dad both think that two is perfect. And she helps me so much. Great. So I pulled it together and called her, "Mom," my voice was shaking, "I'm really busy and have lots of charts to finish. I'll just go get something later. You can go ahead and head to Shawnee." "Are you sure?" she replied. "I'll go pick you something up." "No, that's ok. I'm not that hungry right now." And even though I hadn't eaten anything all day. That was the truth. I was NOT hungry. 

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Now, to tell Jeb. The thought of waiting and surprising him with some sweet Pinterest idea crossed my mind. Briefly. "Kelli Ann, this isn't your first kid....it's your THIRD!" So I scratched that idea. I had so many thoughts, emotions, worries, and ideas running through my head that all I wanted to do was call him. Now! I just couldn't wait. He is my best friend. My partner. My soulmate. My everything! So I grabbed my cell phone. As soon as he answered the tears started flowing again. "What's wrong?! Are the kids ok?" "Yes, they're fine. I need you to come to the clinic. Where are you?" "Kell, what's wrong? Are you ok?" "No." "Are you pregnant?" "Yes." (more tears and sobbing). "Don't cry. It's going to be fine. And you better stop taking those hot baths."

Seriously, Jeb. I just get the shock of my life and hot baths is what you want to talk to me about?

"I'm excited!" He says. "We're good parents, Kell. We've got this."
"You should've went ahead and got a vasectomy. We don't have enough room for another child. I'm a planner and this was not in my plan! I wasn't sure I wanted a third. I like things even. One boy. One girl. What is this baby isn't healthy?"
"We will love it just the same and we'll deal with it. You know deep down we both kind of wanted another." He says. "What have we done?" I say. "God has bigger plans. And we're going to have another baby. Kelli Ann, you're acting like you're 16 and pregnant! You've done this before. TWICE. It is going to be O.K.!" So I take a deep breath. I tell him I love him. And then I thank God for giving me this wonderful, positive, calming husband.

.....

I went all weekend without telling my parents and I was a nervous wreck. My mom is my best friend and I hate keeping things from her. I told my brother on Sunday and he was the best. He gave me a big hug. Told me he was so excited and that children were blessings from God. Then said he'd be praying for me. On Monday, I had a dentist appointment and mom kept the kids for me. It was really weighing on me that I hadn't told her, and I felt like I couldn't be ok and enjoy this pregnancy until my mom knew and I had her support. As I was leaving the dentist, I texted this to her. I wanted to break it to her BEFORE I had to face her in person. 

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I told her not to disown me and that I needed her love and support. Then I asked if she was upset with me. "No, you're just going to be very busy." When I got to her house, she hugged me and smiled. And I knew if was all ok. I could breathe. Then I told my dad. I started crying and he said, "What is it? Is it that bad?" He smiled and said, "Pregnant? That's a good thing. I'm excited!"

.....

So the hard part is over. Now to take care of my body, try not to gain 50 pounds, and enjoy this LAST (yes, LAST) pregnancy. I'm going to try not to complain and not fret about my weight. I have all kinds of worries on my mind, but I'm going to trust in the Lord and know that His plan is bigger than mine. Maybe this third baby will break me of some of my OCD/perfectionist tendencies and help me to focus on what's really important in life. My first OB appointment is in 2 weeks and I can't wait. It's a good thing that we're starting our new house in a few months because we're definitely outgrowing this one! Oh, and I'm still getting braces too! I'm turning 30 in a few months and thought I was getting boobs and braces. Guess I'm getting a baby and braces instead!