Sitting here unable to sleep (probably related to the excessive caffeine I drank tonight in order to get some late night grocery shopping and house cleaning done) approving LilliAnn's first birthday invitation for printing (a little late, I know. her bday party is in 2 weeks! Maybe I'm trying to delay her turning one!) and I start to get a horrible tummy ache. Yep...it's related to the anxiety of my baby girl turning one year old in just two short weeks! Really?!? Has it really been a year?
I start to think back on the last year and how quickly it passed. Did I enjoy it enough? Am I going to remember every little thing about her first year of life...like how soft her newborn hair felt when I would rub her little head or the way she looked all snuggled up in pink satin on our way home from the hospital that late, stormy night. I feel like I've already forgotten so
much about Reid's first year! Did I spend too much time taking pictures trying to capture every moment so I'd always remember and then miss out on all the "moments?"
One year. Such a short amount of time in a person's life...but so much happens in that first year.
Will I ever have anymore babies? Is this the last child I'll ever nurse? Will I never buy Pamper's swaddlers or jars of baby food again? Will I never wear another child in a baby bjorn on my chest or lay another baby down on an infant playmat? Probably not. And this...makes my tummy hurt. I have been blessed with two beautiful, healthy babies...one boy, one girl. They are my everything. They are my life. So for that I'm thankful...and I'm content. But I know... I'll sometimes long for that baby smell, for that warm little body to snuggle up against me as she nurses to sleep, and for that precious two-teeth smile.
And then I'll remember that I am not the only one who has babies that grow up. I am not the only mama who cries when they plan a first birthday. Those mommies that are pregnant, or feeding their baby for the first time, or watching in amazement as their little one learns to roll over...those babies have first birthdays too. I'm not alone in longing to re-live the precious moment when I held her for the first time. My mommy had a baby who grew up too...
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