LilliAnn's salvation. February 4, 2018

You guys...God is SO faithful, and SO amazing!!

I had a pretty rough evening with Reid. He’s a great kid, but we’re so much alike that we often upset each other. Sometimes I feel like I try too hard with him, and other times I feel like I don’t try hard enough. I didn’t parent him the best tonight and was really disappointed in myself. I remember at one point being so upset and so frustrated that I looked up and said to myself, “Why God? Why does he push my buttons like this? I cannot parent him well, and I feel like I’m failing my children.” I went on with my evening...cooking dinner, picking up, doing a jewelry show, laundry...all while nagging Reid and just feeling like overall I had lost control of my parenting. I was completely off track from what was really important.

Fast forward a couple of hours and Lil goes to her bedroom, and I go in Reid’s room to talk and pray with Reid. I unintentionally cried the entire time asking him to forgive me, and telling him that I was sorry for being so hard on him all day. At one point he even said he wanted to move in with my parents because they would do better with him. Ugh. So we talked about grace and how I loved him unconditionally. I kissed him, he hugged me, and we both decided with God’s help, we were going to do better. I left his room feeling disappointed, defeated, but thankful for grace and for another chance tomorrow.

Then I walked into Lil’s room to tuck her in. She’d been playing with slime and crafting all evening...practicing piano and playing with Rush...she was pretty much not on my radar all evening because she had been doing her own little thing. When I walked into her room, she was sitting up in her bed in the dark and she said, “Mommy, I’m ready to ask Jesus into my heart.” She looked so serious and intense, and I said, “Ok? Did some happen to make you think of this all of a sudden or have you been thinking about it for a while?” We hadn’t done our Bible study tonight or anything like that, and it was late so I was just wondering what made her tell me this in such an urgent, matter of fact way. “No, I just felt like Jesus told me just now, tonight, that he was ready for me to ask him into my heart.” I asked her why she thought she needed to ask Jesus into her heart tonight and she said, “Because I want to follow him, and because I’m a sinner, and he died on the cross to forgive my sins.”

The Gospel...right there in her own little words. So I started crying...again. This time tears of joy instead of tears of frustration and sorrow. I yelled for Jeb and we both held her precious little hands as she prayed that special prayer and made the most important decision of her life.

I don’t even have words to describe my roller coaster of emotions this evening. But what I can say is that I’m thankful for a Heavenly Father who keeps his promises. And I’m thankful for his grace and for the chance to do better tomorrow. And I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit...because even on the days when I’m not my best, he’s still guiding my children and working on their little hearts.

Here’s to February 4, 2018 - one of the best days of my life.

LilliAnn loves to write, so we documented tonight in her Bible. I asked her if she wanted to write how she felt and she grabbed her chest, smiled, and said, “my heart is filled with JOY!” So is mine, sis...so is mine.

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