Friday, March 20, 2015

letter to my birthday baby. one

one week.
one year.
Sweet Rushy, you are my joy…my sunshine…my baby. The first time I saw you was such an unusual moment. I wasn't surprised about what you looked like. I wasn't curious about your personality. And as crazy as it sounds, I wasn't even overly excited to meet you…because I felt like I have always known you…like you've always been a part of me, and in some weird way, like you've always been a part of our family - even before you were born. I guess the word I would use to describe that moment would be relief - relief that you were out…relief that you finally started breathing…and relief that I could now hold in my arms the little boy that I had dreamed about for so long. 

It sounds so cliche, but this past year has flown by. It seems as if time goes by faster with each one of my babies…and I'm having a really tough time with you turning one. But although I will miss your teeny tiny baby toes, wrinkle-y forehead, and scrunchy nose, I am loving the silly, smart, happy little boy that you're growing into. And I am absolutely head over heels in love with you! You are the cherry on top of our family, Rush, and your vibrant personality makes our days brighter. 

Currently, my favorite thing about you is how you give kisses. Every morning when you wake up, you'll nurse for a little while and then you'll lean up on my chest, look right in my face, and give me the sweetest open mouth kiss on the lips. Sometimes when I'm holding you, you'll just kiss me out of nowhere. You'll make a smooching noise and then plant one on me…and it seriously melts my heart.   You love Reid and LilliAnn. And they're just as crazy about you. You're the happiest when they're chasing you around the living room, or when you're wrestling with Reid. You've started saying "bubba," and for LilliAnn you say "LaLa." 
Your smiles and silly giggles are contagious. Everyone that's around you can't help but fall in love with you. After seeing some of your one year old pictures the other night, Papa Kelbo texted me and said that he wanted to just take you and adopt you because you are so cute! You have made us all better…and happier, Rushton. And I cannot imagine life without you. You truly are a gift from God, and I thank Jesus every day for allowing me to be your mommy. 

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
As you continue to grow and learn, this is the verse that I want instilled in your heart. I pray that you are always brave and strong…that you know without a doubt that the Lord will ALWAYS be by your side and will never leave you. You are strong because of Him. 

Everything that I want to say to you on your first birthday is written beautifully in a book. As I was reading "I Love You More Each Day" by Suzanne Chiew and Tina Macnaghton, tears were streaming down my face as highlights from the past year flooded my mind. One year ago was the beginning of our complete family. The past year has been filled with more joy than I ever knew my heart could hold…and it has been the best year of my life. I'm going to end this letter with the words from the book I mentioned above. Rush Rollins, I love you more each day.
You're my sunshine, little one. You are the world to me.
You find such joy and wonder in everything you see.
I love each happy thing you do, each funny thing you say.
From spring to summer, all year through, I love you more each day.
Each day is bright and beautiful, each day holds something new…
When summer comes we splash and splash in oceans deep and blue.
You show me hidden treasures, but none so sweet as you.
Each kind and gentle thing you do, each thoughtful thing you say,
makes me so very proud of you.
I love you more each day.
Whether we're still and quiet, watching rainbows paint the sky…
or whether we're loud and playful, tossing fallen leaves up high…
Each day is an adventure and filled with so much fun.
New journeys and new friendships wait for you, my little one.
You love to stomp through snowdrifts as our world turns sparkly white…
And find each pretty, frosted leaf that twinkles in the light.
Although the seasons turn and change, our love will always stay
From springtime through to winter,
 I love you more each day.
When sparkling stars shine brightly, we snuggle up together.
I love you more and more each day,
And more and more for ever!

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